A Nice Guys Guide To Dating Success
Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn't treat her right, or doesn't seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called "bad boys," "charm boys," or "players." When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or "brother" rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you're "too nice"? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.
Let's brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don't care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don't let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.
So what can you do? You don't have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some "safe" ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, "Let's go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita," or, "Let's go for a drive and see where we end up." If this is not the usual "you," you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don't call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you'll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn't easy to get, and women like a little challenge.
You're the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don't be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don't miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there's a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to "spoil" her or "buy" her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won't mind a "cheap" date; she just wants to be with you.
Keep it light and upbeat. Don't be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn't need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you're already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don't overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.
Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don't just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet's name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.
Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don't have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend--possibly a female friend--for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.
Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn't mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don't want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it's okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she's worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, "Sorry I can't make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you've been wanting to see on Sunday instead?"
How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that's what you're looking for)? Just because she's attractive/smart/classy doesn't necessarily mean she's right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you're looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?
The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!
For more information, visit the author's website http://www.therapy-conscious.com
Copyright 2004, Ann L. Palik
Ann L. Palik is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California, specializing in helping single people create healthy relationships.
Finding A Safe Dating Site
Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement: 'Free online personals'.
They are everywhere, they are dating sites, and more are opening up shop every day.
Welcome to the newest internet gold rush.
More and more people are signing up to these new and "free" dating sites.
What they are really getting is a place on the web where they can post their profile and let strangers contact them.
As more and more dating sites pile up on the web, more people are ending up with very distasteful experiences because of this.
Why? 99% of today's (and tomorrow's) dating sites do not screen their members...(related: Dating)
Dos And Donts For Men On Dating Sites
Men, learn how to behave on dating and personals sites.Being a man and also being the owner of a dating site myself I have to tell all my fellow men that you are chasing all the women away. Most of you anyway. Women are keen on how we behavebecause most of us all behave the same way on dating sites. Here is a list of DO's and DON'TS to help keepthe women at these sites and to help you get some responses.1) DON'T copy and paste ...(related: Dating)
Want To Be A Success In Dating? Use Your 5 Senses
How often do girls on the street smile to you, pay to you attention? Sometimes? Never? You wonder what you should do to make it happen?It is very easy, just use your senses.First of all, what attracts attention of a girl? You think appearance? You are wrong! There are 5 main aspects that girls value most of all.
- Masculinity. Women feel sorry for losers, but are fond of winners.
- Confidence. Women like self-confident men. The ones who know what they want, and how to achieve it.
- Determination. If you look at the girl for the whole evening, but do not dare to come closer to her, your chances are not high.
- Activity. As the man is proud of himself if he comes to the party in a luxurious car, t...(related: Dating)
How To Find The Background Of Your Online Date
The popularity of online dating has increased dramatically over the past few years. While most online daters are honest and straightforward, some seriously misrepresent themselves. Here are some safety tips and steps to help you weed out the good from the bad and help others do the same.1. Always be cautious when dating online. While most daters are healthy and honest, some are unsavory characters who could even be dangerous.2. Don't share personal information such as your last name, home phone, address or workplace information until you feel comfortable with the person.3. When you a...(related: Dating)
When dating we all too often settle for someone that is not quite right. Why should we ever settle for something that isn't quite right, especially when it comes to person that you hope to have an intimate relationship with? It may be ok to settle for a hamburger when you really want a steak, but when you're dating; you're talking about a relationship that is vital to you as a person. Why not define what you want before hand and then let potential dates match up to your standards?One of the key components in dating and finding someone you want is first knowing what you want. For example think of the last time you really craved say something as simple as ice cream. You might have known the flavor you wanted, you m...(related: Dating)
How Did Online Dating Become So Popular?
SpeedTry to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to depend on the good ol' postal system. During those days, a person had to wait for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same state itself. The second person in turn would take one or two days to respond and this letter would take on or two days to get back to the first person.So in effect, a single correspondence would stretch over a week. But now it's a totally different story. The time taken for the first letter and the response has been brought to an amazing 2 minutes! Waiting may ...(related: Dating)
Secret Dating Tips - Top Secrets Of A Sex Magnet
In any group of girls, there's usually one who's getting all the attention. You know, she's really animated, talking a lot, outgoing, a lot of guys are hitting on her. You can bet some of the other girls in the group are kind of shy and are feeling left out and a bit jealous - and they're dying for th...(related: Dating)
Online Dating - 8 Sizzling Tips To Make Your Profile Standout!
We know one of the hardest part of creating your profile is describing yourself to others. Dating pearl.com gives you the freedom to define & express yourself so you can put your best foot forward. Following are some time tested nuggets that can assist you in creating a compelling & attention grabbing profile.Honesty is the Best PolicyAs the saying goes, honesty is the best policy. Honesty is taken seriously at Dating pearl.com and it's the single most important thing to remember when writing a great profile. It's much easier to write about yourself if you are honest about who you are. It prevents you from having to spin ways to best sell yourself or guess at what you think other people want to read.A major part of being honest is not misleading people down the road. People will assume that what you write is...(related: Dating)
Best Places To Go On A Date
Does the waiter know how you like your steak, and more about your love life than you do yourself? You are stuck in a "boring-dates syndrome"! Or perhaps you are conducting a psychological experiment on the people you date, and trying to keep the environment constant... It is at least good your haven't just given up on trying yet! Perhaps this is not quite you, but you do feel bored with your dating life, or you stopped dating all together.Generally people do stop dating after being in a relationship for a while, there is no reason to, however it tends to happenbecause people end up doing the same things over and over again which ends up being more boring than ju...(related: Dating)
Flowers Leading The Way
Online dating is very popular and also provides a safe way in which to meet other singles with many of your same interests. Instead of trying to find that perfect someo...(related: Dating)
Online Dating -- Facts About Your Online Profile
Times are changing and online dating is becoming a more and more popular way of finding a partner. There are so many lucky people whom the Internet has helped to meet the love of their...(related: Dating)